yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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