So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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