The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
