At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
