Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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