Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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