I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
