So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
