My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
