I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
