The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
