if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
