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Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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