dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i've created a new STD.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
