The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
