everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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