clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
