i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
