Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
