he was CRYING into my vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
