Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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