i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
