Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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