I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
