i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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