I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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