True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
