I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
