am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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