I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
