Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
