Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Houston, we have a blender
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love you. Go after that dick
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
