we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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