If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
