Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
