New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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