you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's the barista slut.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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