he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
