My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
