tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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