Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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