I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
