i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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