plz talk dirty to me
I just threw up on my dentist
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
