On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
