I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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