You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to calm my uterus...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
