I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
