in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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