we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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