so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is wine microwaveable?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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