I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
